why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
