this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
