Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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