When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
