Too much gin, very little bucket
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Cover your peen. We're going out.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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