i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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