I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Green mimosas i think yes
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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