the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
It was confusing and full of hummus
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
