I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You've changed since you got that strap on
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
