Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
