Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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