I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
