I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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