Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We are two peas in an std pod
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
