as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
