Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
