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a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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