my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
