So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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