I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
