I could have mohawked her pubes.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
