My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
