Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
