Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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