i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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