Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
don't judge my taste in strippers
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
God, I missed his penis.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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