I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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