Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
