Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
