I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
