His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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