She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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