I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
