Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
