He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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