I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
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