After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
