wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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