you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
