i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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