I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
When did angry sex become our thing?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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