You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
