No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
