Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
