I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
