He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
