do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
