Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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