She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
