i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
