i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
