So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
