i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
