We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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