There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
